Company, Easter and Spring Break are to blame for the lack of posts. Well, and doublewide shopping. I know all about doublewides now. You have your three, four or five, yes five bedrooms....most complete with the garden tub and, of course, carpet in the bathrooms. I've sort of been on a roller coaster today. Billy takes me to one he found and it needs a LOT of work. Smells like smoke, needs new paint, awful carpet, and the whole time I'm saying "in my head"...just look past it, look past it, think about what it COULD look like." Then I start thinking about the time it will take to re-do this thing and it can become overwhelming. OK, so I'm thinking I can do it....after all, before and afters are really fun (when it's someone else's :) Then, Billy calls and says he has found another one that's already had most of the work done on the inside and is in much better shape. So we load up Holden and Mary Helen (Elley is at my parents) and ride the little golf cart around the "mobile home place" and he shows us the one he NOW has in mind. It was by far my favorite of the ones we've seen. So now I'm having a hard time going back to the really dumpy one :) This is a great lesson for me about wants and needs. I know we've joked a lot about living in a trailer but when I think about what millions of people "live" in I should be thankful we have shelter. Seriously, I have nothing to complain about and it's a good reminder to give thanks and be content. I'm trying to take one day at a time but there's so much going on. We're closing on the land tomorrow, moving soon, just put the house we're renting on the market, thinking about Holden going to public school next year...there's a lot swirling in my brain... and all this while still grieving the loss of a little girl.
At the same time though, I feel like we're coming through the fog a little bit. ( a friend described it that way and I thought it was a great word picture) I'm NOT going to feel guilty about what I've done or left undone the past year. We've just been fighting to survive... but I do feel like God is calling me to something deeper, especially with my children. I say all this not in a "I've failed to do this or that" kind of way but in a way that I feel challenged and excited to move forward. More than anything I want my children to love the Lord, to serve and put others before themselves, to NOT have an "I deserve" mentality. I realize that I need to live out the theme of my blog...the gospel is for "along the road", life on life, talking about eternal things when we're driving to school or going to a baseball game. I don't wanna wait until it's bedtime and then we have our "devotion." It's impacting a watching world but not in a "I'm in my little christian bubble" kind of way. After Easter I kept thinking about the time I spent shopping for little things to go in their Easter baskets and all the time it took me to stuff Easter eggs for all their egg hunts and how little time I spent talking with them about Jesus dying for them. They need to hear again and again, and SO DO I that "Holden, that's why he had to die, so you could be forgiven of all the times you're selfish and unkind to your sisters or disrespectful to your mom." I feel challenged to be more deliberate and not just let the day pass me by because I'm so busy with OTHER things and unconcerned with their hearts and my own. I say all this with freedom, knowing that it is God's job to change their hearts, but I know He has given me a part in it too. I want to do my part!
I'll keep you posted on our doublewide purchase....
