A Word From Daddy...

A Word From Daddy,

Many of you have asked if I would share my thoughts on this blog (ok, not many but a few, really just two and one of those was my mom.) So for all two of you that may read this… here you go... Honestly, I don’t see how Hope does this blog stuff. She’s so good at articulating how she is feeling / I find it very difficult to summarize what’s going on in my heart. Every time I try to write something I just sit here and get frustrated – I’m just not that good at writing out my thoughts. I think it’s also hard for me to let the entire world have access to my heart – therefore, this will not be a normal activity for me.

I had driven all day from Butler, AL to Chicago on Tuesday, July 1st to finalize a moving company to move our family from Chicago to Cullman, AL. I got in about 2:00am that night. I awoke to a cell phone call from my good friend Dick Albaugh. He just said, “Hey, you at home? Ok, I’ve got to call you back.” (I later found out that phone call was to make sure that I had made it home before Hope told me about Alaina) A few minutes later the phone rang again. It was my wife and it was to become the conversation I’ve replayed in my mind a thousand times: “It’s not good Billy, it’s not good… Alaina died this morning”, Wait, I didn't hear her correctly, "What?" "Alaina died." I fell to my knees and we both wept like never before. The pain is hard to describe, other than to say I’ve never hurt like that before.

Within minutes close friend were showing up at my house in Chicago. My wife had called my friends first (before she called me) and asked them to head my way to be with me right after she informed me of the news. To this day, it boggles my mind how Hope had the whereabouts to think to call my friends before calling me. Within 30 minutes of giving CPR to her daughter she was thinking of others. She was thinking for me and wanted to make sure that I had support as I received this horrible news. (Hope, thank you for showing me love in such a remarkable way. My words don’t give my appreciation justice.) Those friends, who came by my side, thank you. I don’t remember anything said during that hour, but I do remember that you were there with me and helped carry my burden with your love, compassion and tears. Shortly there after my new company called and informed me that they, through a vendor partner, had a private jet on its way to a close airport to pick me up and fly me home to be with my family. Thank you for that. When I saw Hope for the first time my heart sank even further and we embraced like never before. Both of us had lost something we loved with our entire soul. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life when it came to comforting my wife. This was something that I couldn’t fix.

The first several days I would wake myself crying. However, through this entire ordeal I’ve never felt compelled to ask “why”. I don’t think there is an answer for such questions this side of heaven, at least no answer that would satisfy. Going down that path would just leave me frustrated, angry and bitter at God and life itself. I have a much better appreciation of studying the characteristics of God like never before. You see, Hope and I have believed for some time now that God is truly in control of all things. All things happen for his glory and ultimately for my good. I’m not sure how I would help someone through something like this after the fact. I think we are handling this horrible situation in a healthy way because of what we’ve believed for years about God… That He is good, no matter what, all the time. Because of his grace we have continued to believe these truths about God, and that’s why we are doing ok and are going to be ok in the long run. I’ve also thought much about the “Victorious Christian Life” that the Christian world likes to throw around and treat God as if he has Santa Clause qualities – giving you what you want, when you want it, and life without pain, death or sorrow. Well, I firmly believe we are living the Victorious Christian Life right now. The victorious Christian life is not a life free of troubles… It’s about allowing Christ to walk with you (and some times carry you) through those quandaries. He is with us now and I too hear the train daily.

I am tired. If I’m an 8 cylinder engine I feel like I’m only operating 2 cylinders right now, but the engine is at full red line (8,000 rpm). (For you women – that means maxed out). I’m not able to think clearly and get overwhelmed and frustrated at the simplest of task; i.e... It took me eight hours to put together a simple filing cabinet last week!!!
We basically went through the perfect storm when it comes to stress levels:
Selling a house (in the worst market in 20 years and losing all your equity)
Finding new housing
Leaving a great church
Finding a new church
Leaving close friends/relationships
Having to make new friends
Leaving a job that I enjoyed
Starting and learning a new job
Family being separated for three months due to new job
New schools for our kids
New friends for our kids
The death of our daughter, Alaina
And Holden and Elley losing their best friend

I’m sure all the psychology books would recommend some type of institution for someone who has experienced these things with-in the time frame we have. However, God is holding us together – through his word and through his people, the Church. I believe things would be much more difficult if the people of Naperville, Eastern Shore and Christ Covenant Presbyterian Churches had not acted as they have. (FBC of Butler and FBC of Orange park for our parents.) These churches and other friends have been a great example to me of ministering to someone in need. At some point I hope to personally thank everyone for all you have done. However, right now, the thought of writing thank you notes is somewhat overwhelming with everything else going on. For right now… just know that I am thankful for all you have given to me and my family.

As far as my new job goes: Territory Manager for Sunbelt Fire in North Alabama: I love it. The fire industry has some top quality guys and the people I’ve met thus far will be friends for life. I truly believe this is where God wants me and hope that Sunbelt Fire will keep me around for a while. Sunbelt, thank you for all you have done.

I love Cullman and our new church and look forward to the many new relationships that God has in store for me.

Click Here to Listen to Alaina's Funeral:
http://www.box.net/shared/gefc3rsgs0

If you would like to listen to Alaina’s funeral please click on the link above. It was the most memorable worship time of my life and we want to thank all those who were involved and attended. The recorded music does not come close to effectively reflecting how wonderful the singing was due to the quality of the recording (Keith and Karen - you guys were great - thank you). This link also has a copy of the handout given at the funeral.

This is my last post for a while… I’m exhausted from writing. Mom, I hope you enjoyed this.

P.S. Dr. A, you won’t ever lock up these guns; they don’t make locks that big!