Thursday, April 23, 2009

Hey friends....

Company, Easter and Spring Break are to blame for the lack of posts. Well, and doublewide shopping. I know all about doublewides now. You have your three, four or five, yes five bedrooms....most complete with the garden tub and, of course, carpet in the bathrooms. I've sort of been on a roller coaster today. Billy takes me to one he found and it needs a LOT of work. Smells like smoke, needs new paint, awful carpet, and the whole time I'm saying "in my head"...just look past it, look past it, think about what it COULD look like." Then I start thinking about the time it will take to re-do this thing and it can become overwhelming. OK, so I'm thinking I can do it....after all, before and afters are really fun (when it's someone else's :) Then, Billy calls and says he has found another one that's already had most of the work done on the inside and is in much better shape. So we load up Holden and Mary Helen (Elley is at my parents) and ride the little golf cart around the "mobile home place" and he shows us the one he NOW has in mind. It was by far my favorite of the ones we've seen. So now I'm having a hard time going back to the really dumpy one :) This is a great lesson for me about wants and needs. I know we've joked a lot about living in a trailer but when I think about what millions of people "live" in I should be thankful we have shelter. Seriously, I have nothing to complain about and it's a good reminder to give thanks and be content. I'm trying to take one day at a time but there's so much going on. We're closing on the land tomorrow, moving soon, just put the house we're renting on the market, thinking about Holden going to public school next year...there's a lot swirling in my brain... and all this while still grieving the loss of a little girl.

At the same time though, I feel like we're coming through the fog a little bit. ( a friend described it that way and I thought it was a great word picture) I'm NOT going to feel guilty about what I've done or left undone the past year. We've just been fighting to survive... but I do feel like God is calling me to something deeper, especially with my children. I say all this not in a "I've failed to do this or that" kind of way but in a way that I feel challenged and excited to move forward. More than anything I want my children to love the Lord, to serve and put others before themselves, to NOT have an "I deserve" mentality. I realize that I need to live out the theme of my blog...the gospel is for "along the road", life on life, talking about eternal things when we're driving to school or going to a baseball game. I don't wanna wait until it's bedtime and then we have our "devotion." It's impacting a watching world but not in a "I'm in my little christian bubble" kind of way. After Easter I kept thinking about the time I spent shopping for little things to go in their Easter baskets and all the time it took me to stuff Easter eggs for all their egg hunts and how little time I spent talking with them about Jesus dying for them. They need to hear again and again, and SO DO I that "Holden, that's why he had to die, so you could be forgiven of all the times you're selfish and unkind to your sisters or disrespectful to your mom." I feel challenged to be more deliberate and not just let the day pass me by because I'm so busy with OTHER things and unconcerned with their hearts and my own. I say all this with freedom, knowing that it is God's job to change their hearts, but I know He has given me a part in it too. I want to do my part!

I'll keep you posted on our doublewide purchase....



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13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks your the greatest!

The McNeill Family said...

Sounds like you've been busy! I was fun getting to visit with you guys. Thank you so so much for graciously putting up with our lively crew for the night! I posted a couple of pics of our kiddos together on my blog. I hope we can see you guys again before too much time passes. Until then, know that we are praying for you guys. Love, Ken and Jen

Aimee said...

You know, losing a child is hard. Terribly hard. It hurts. Literally. Your heart aches and you want nothing more than to put your arms around them again.

BUT, you know Hope... You and I both know that we serve a sovereign God. We trust that His ways are good. Whether we understand them or not.

Its hard to do...but I thank God for using such a tragedy to change my heart and the way I look at life. And I think He is doing the same with your heart. Actually, I know. I can see it in your writings.

I know what you mean about "all those things" swirling in your head. Praying that God would give you clear direction.

Love you lots.

Lori Ellen said...

You doing great, Hopey T. Just be willing and God will use you!

On a lighter note...double-wide, huh? Man, you can take the girl out of Choctaw County, but you can't take the Choctaw County of the girl...

Love you, girl!
Lori

Shea said...

So glad to HEAR from you. You are so wise; so loving and kind. Thank you for opening your heart up to all of us. I'm a better mother for it and am forever grateful to you for that. Can't wait to see the double-wide!!!Loving you and lifting you in prayer!

Michael and Jennifer Werneth said...

wow! what a whirlwind of changes! i didn't know that ya'll were moving so quickly on the land, etc. i suppose the summer is pretty much here, isn't it? i love what you wrote about teaching your children "along the road", living out the gospel, actively striving to reach their hearts. how easy it is for me to forget and just go through the motions of life, doing all that i "need" to do. you challenge and excite me too, because i want the same things for my kids as you do! i love the pictures you posted earlier, especially the one of m-h with your dad, the one of holden running with the egg and the funny expression, and the one of leah and elley in the freezing lake (ok, i'm biased). we all love hearing from you. still praying too!

Anonymous said...

Hope,
I, too, can see the fog beginning to clear. I can sense it through this post and i can see it in these last pictures. We have prayed for joy to return to your lives and I believe He is faithful and will return that joy to you. I see it already returning in the smiles in the pictures.
When I type your name---Hope---I am reminded of how personal a relationship we can have with Jesus. He knew you in Mrs. Martha's womb. He knew you even before your parents chose your name. Through you, Hope, you are sharing His word, the only Hope for a lost world. I am so blessed by you. Thank you and I hope you have a great week. (no pun intended)
Mrs. Cowan

Katie said...

Hey Billy (and Family!!!) Remember me?? Katie (Hawkins) Beall from Troy!! Anyway, great to 'see' you on the WWW! We live in Hawaii now and have a 1 year old named Noah. It is great to see you guys and how great you are doing! Beautiful family.

Anonymous said...

hope, i said a prayer for you tonight.
i love you and jesus does too!!!
mrs. cowan

Anonymous said...

hope, you are in my prayers tonight. i don't know why God brought you to my mind tonight, but maybe you do. if you don't and i don't, i'm sure God does, so i just talked to Him about you and your sweet family tonight while my children are outside playing. God uses your family to remind me how blessed I am. Remember He loves you and I do too.
Mrs. Cowan

Anonymous said...

hope, look outside this morning. God is on His throne. the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming. He is replenishing the earth after a long winter. Your long winter is ending too Hope. Look to the heavens. That's where your strenghth lies.
And, now, the real reason I am writing early when usually I'm a night time message person. I had the funniest dream about you, Tut and Rachael Evans. You were all in your cheerleader uniforms and you were fighting over who was going to get to throw out the last football in the box. My guess is Tut got to throw it, but I woke up before I found out.
Have a beautiful Lord's Day.
I love you and Jesus does too
Mrs. Cowan

Anonymous said...

just a quick note tonight hope. i lifted your name tonight in prayer. hope you all are well.
i love you and jesus does too.
mrs. cowan

Anonymous said...

Been lifting you up in prayer-Rayanne