Thursday, July 1, 2010

Two Years Ago

Two years ago.......

My life was really easy

Compared to today, my God was really small

I had no idea how hard this road was about to be

I had no idea how sick Alaina was

We were having a fun/normal summer- beach, VBS, friends

I complained a lot more in my heart

My whole world changed

I realized just how out of control I was

I planned my daughter's funeral and brushed her hair for the last time

I wept and ached and wept and ached

My God was Big

I was small

I let go of this world in a deeper way

A part of my heart went to heaven

I became very fearful

I gained perspective

The gospel was planted deeper in my heart and life

I realized you never get over something like this, but you get through it by God's grace

I thanked God for laying the foundation in my life to allow me to trust Him when I was completely broken and helpless

I had faithful friends claim His promises for my family

I realized that it only takes a moment in time for your life to be radically changed forever

I prayed that God would use it all for His glory and His name even though I didn't understand

I began to see that God would be faithful to all his promises

I began to place all my hope in Him

I need Him today, just as much as I did two years ago.

We sang "Desert Song" this past Sunday at church and I've been singing it over and over since then....."All of my life, in every season, You are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship."


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Jenny said...

Hope, we've been thinking about your family so much this week. We're still praying for you, asking God to be with your family, especially now. Thanks for sharing your heart and encouraging others even in the midst of your pain. Your life really is a testimony that God is Big.

Shane, LaJuan, Jocelyn and Gabrielle said...

we are praying for you guys...especially this weekend. Thank you for sharing this journey with us all and being so honest and vulnerable. The Lord has used it in ways that words cannot describe....we love you guys.

Jessie said...

Praying for Christ's peace to surround you all, Hope. May His comfort be incomparable! Thank you for allowing us to see His grace bearing fruit in your life.

thewheelerfamily said...

You've been on my mind all week. You guys are in my prayers. We love you all.

Aimee said...


I sent you a text this morning...hope you got it. I just wanted you to know I was thinking of sweet Alaina today.

Love you and miss you.

Jeff said...

I'm praying for you guys. Love you all. Jeff

Denise Shoemaker said...

I think of you often and especially today. We lift you and your family up and pray that you do remember His promises. I still have the program from Alaina's funeral on my desk so that I can remember that God's plan isn't always our plan, but that we must always trust in Him. I love the scripture you have on the back of the program from Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your path." We love you.

Jennifer Werneth said...

prayed for you lots yesterday, and billy too. your words (and heart) continue to touch me. just want you to know that i was thinking of you and your four beautiful children. i know that you will always miss alaina and long to see her, so i continue to pray that his mercies to you are new every morning. you are a treasured friend. love you!

Parks Avenue said...

We are cetainly praying for you guys. You have been on my mind constantly the last few days. We love you guys and would really like to catch up with you all soon. Praying for peace as you continue on this journey my friend.

Kim Schutter said...

God has brought you to mind so much this week and we have been praying for you and remembering your sweet Alaina Lou.

We love you!

Katie and Dick said...

You've been in our prayers all week, Hope. Love to you all.

Anonymous said...

Hope, I wasn't near a computer on July 2, but I wanted to tell you that you have been on my mind so much this last week and this weekend. I don't think I ever told you that Alaina passed away on my Jay's birthday, so I will never forget your sad anniversary. And I know that those anniversaries are hard. It is during those dark time that we are reminded how really big our God is, aren't we. I just wanted you to know that I love you and I still pray for you and your sweet family.
Mrs. Cowan

Katie said...

billy and hope,
i still think of you two regularly and pray that god will continue to strengthen you in your "new life." thank you for continuing to write - you touch more people than you realize.
in Him,
katie hawkins beall

Patric & Jennifer Knaak said...

I've been thinking about you so much the last couple months, knowing this weekend was coming. Also, knowing the Conrad's were going to be with you. And I wondered & prayed if there was any way to express to you that I still remember, always remember. The Lord brings you to mind all the time and I pray for you. And I often listen to "Hope's Mix" on my ipod playlist while I workout and pray for you. I know this will always be with you, and I want to commit to always pray for you, my dear. I cannot thank you enough for the ways you've encouraged me through your vulnerable faith. I'm so, so, so grateful for the ways you point me to our Savior...even in this very moment. You are such a blessing to me. Love, Jennifer

Shea said...

I think of you every day, I truly do, and pray for you often. I especially had you on my mind last Friday. As always I thank you for sharing your heart with us all. It always brings me back to what is most important. God bless you as you continue on this road. Much love and prayers are with you always.

ann said...

Thank you for sharing your two years with us. My faith has certainly grown. I praise God that he continues to reveal himself to you. I spent time this week remembering the sweet (and sassy) moments our family shared with Alaina. I liked her so much! Continuing to pray for you to know God's truth and mercy each day. Love you friend, Ann

brimom19 said...

I think of your family often. May God continue to strengthen each of you and bind you tightly in His loving arms

Lindsey said...

hope, i want you to know i have been thinking of you guys since the beginning of the month. thanks again for sharing and encouraging others. that picture is so wonderful of all four kiddos. we love you.

Shelley said...

that is beautiful hope. to hear what all God has done and is doing in your heart is quite remarkable. your family is a beacon for many.

Anonymous said...

hope, you are on my mind and in my prayers right now. i believe that God is using you in a mighty way.
i love you
mrs. cowan

Kristin said...

Hope, it's September, and I haven't been to blogland in months and months... But, I wanted you to know I came today. To check in on you. To let you know I still pray for you and Billy and your precious children. To let you know we thought of your family and prayed especially hard in July. We love you.

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