Hello out there. We made it through the first week of school and managed to get everybody where they needed to be so now I can give you a little update.
We had a great end to our summer with a visit from cousins. I had fun loving on the girls while Karen and Jeff (sister-in-law, brother-in-law) took Holden home with them.. As with most situations there is some sadness that goes with it. You know what I'm going to say...see Lew in the picture below....I miss her even more when we're with people she loved so much. My flesh screams that she should be here enjoying her cousins with the rest of us. It is a continuous struggle. By the way, my pastor's wife, Karen, from Chicago sent me an incredible CD called "Disappointment, Now what?" Paul Tripp is the speaker and Karen was right when she said it was the best she ever heard on the topic of disappointment and suffering. I can't even begin to do it justice to tell you what all he said, but as I listened I was incredibly challenged, encouraged, and once again given hope. I'll try to download it on here if you'd like to listen. Correction, I'll get Billy to download it...I would have no clue how to do it. I'll get back you on that.
Anyway, one of the biggest things the teaching from this CD made me realize is that my suffering is a CALLING. It's not an exciting or easy calling but is still part of the story God has written for me. I long to walk worthy of this calling and continue to accept it even though I would have never chosen it for my life. Another thing Paul Tripp addressed was that we're in a battle everyday. With our sufferings and disappointments we battle bitterness vs. acceptance....and our sufferings reveal the idols of our hearts. God alone should hold our hearts, not the things of this world. God has used the truths on this CD to continue to change my heart and the way I think about my walk with Him.
All in all we really had a good summer. Moving and unpacking took several weeks but we were still able to enjoy the pool and friends and grandparents and the beach. July 2 was hard. I felt very heavy all day as I replayed the day a year ago in my head. I remembered how horribly low I felt that afternoon in 2008. I struggled with fear this summer. Fear that something might happen to my other children when they were away from me and unbelief that God would be big enough if that happened. That could potentially be a life long struggle/battle.
So often I get so focused on my own grief that I forget my children struggle too, and they handle it so differently. When I drove to Indiana to get Holden and take the twins home, he had a hard time going to bed the first night. I layed down with him and he started crying, saying he missed Alaina. I said, "What made you think of her?" He shared a sweet memory and then said "I guess just being away from ya'll and when you come to get me you could get in a crash and die." Then he asked me on the way home if Billy was still alive. I hate that a seven year old boy has to deal with these issues. But it's a great opportunity to remind him of how much we both need Jesus. And I am able to share with him how I struggle with the exact same things. Pray for his heart if you think about it. (and Elley's)
Alaina with Caroline and Rachel in 2006......
August 2009....
They loved the Aquatic Center
Billy took lots of little ladies out on the town for a date....
We spent one day at Smith Lake
ok, next post maybe I can show you some pictures of our fine lookin doublewide...on the inside and not in two pieces. And, I'll try to download the Paul Tripp CD for those who are interested. Better yet, if it's too complicated (time consuming) to download, I would love to mail you a copy of the CD. If you're interested you can email me or leave a comment. Trust me, it's a CD to listen to over and over...it is THAT good!
